Daily Gyaan

By Bruce Springsteen

Don't know when this chance might come again
Good times got a way of comin' to an end
Don't know when this chance might come again
Good times got a way of slippin' a-way
Let's be friends, baby let's be friends

I know we're different you and me
Got a different way of walkin'
The time has come to let the past be history
Yeah if we could just start talkin'

World Trade Center = Lewd Terror Act; End.

The Florida Vote Recount = Done To Cover Their Fault

George W. Bush = He Grew Bogus

Year Two Thousand = A Year to Shut Down

Windows Me = New wisdom (???)

Year Two Thousand = A Year to Shut Down

Allied Force = Oil-led farce = Farce! Old lie!

Impeach Clinton = Let Monica pinch

Impeach Clinton = Point: cancel him = Then clip Monica

The Microsoft Corporation = Horror of Competition Acts

President Clinton of the USA = To copulate he finds interns

Monica Lewinsky =
Nice silky woman
I may own nickels
Income? A sly wink!
Wank cosily in me
I yowl nicknames
Wank my silicone
Icy silken woman
I lay sick men now

Monica Lewinsky =
Knew a Slimy Icon
Now I Lay Sick Men
We May Lock in Sin
News May Ink Coil

Princess Diana =
And Since Paris
Sad Panic Risen
Car, Snap, Die, Sin
Pain as car's end
I End as car spin

Jim Morrison = Mr. Mojo risin'

Tom Cruise = So I'm Cuter

The Hilton = Hint: Hotel

Salman Rushdie = Read, Shun Islam

Martin Scorsese = Screen is a storm

Statue of Liberty = Built to Stay Free

Patrick Stewart = A Crap Trek Twist

New York Times = Monkeys Write / Monkey Writes

David Letterman = Nerd Amid Late TV

To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. =
In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.

[Look at Topical Anagrams and Hall of Fame.]

The Beauty Sleep Department

I'm OK with being unimpressive, I sleep better.

-- From Garden State

by Bulla Shah, 18th Century Sufi Saint

Bulla! I know not who I am
Bulla! I know not who I am

Nor am I the believer in mosques
Nor am I a believer in Idol worship
Nor am I in the pure or the impure

Nor am I in the vedas
Nor am I in intoxicants or liqour
Nor am I the carefree deviant

Nor am I in union or parting
Nor am I in the pure or impure
Nor am I of the water or the land
Nor am I fire nor air
Bulla! I know not what I am

Who is this Bulla Shah?
Bulla! I know not what I am



The Urdu/Punjabi Original:

Bulla ki jana main kaun
Bulla ki jana main kaun

Na main moman vich maseetan
Na main vich kufar dian reetan
Na main pakan vich paleetan

Na main andar bed-kitaban
Na main rehnda bhang-sharaban
Na main rehnda mast-kharaban

Na main shadi na gamnaki
Na main vich paleetan pakeen
Na main aabi na main khaki

Na main aatish na main paun
Bulla ki jana main kaun

Bulla Shah Kharha hai kaun
Bulla ki jana main kaun

Girls are Evil 

What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life?
The world would split open.

-- Muriel Rukeyser

The Pope-he-aint Department

"Shoe tying's tough. why do you think jesus wore sandals?"

"I'm a sexy man of God, and I know it."

-- by Pastor Dan in Raising Helen

Speak, this little time is enough
Before the death of body and tongue
Speak, because truth is still alive
Speak, say whatever is to be said


The Original Verse in Urdu:
bol ye thodaa waqt bahot hai
jism-o-zabaan ki maut se pahale
bol ki sach zindaa hai ab tak
bol jo kuchh kahane hai kah le

-- Faiz Ahmed Faiz

A turtle family decided to go on a picnic. Turtles, being naturally slow about things, took seven years to prepare for their outing. Finally the turtle family left home looking for a suitable place for their outing. During the second year of their journey they found a place ideal for them at last! For about six months they cleaned up the area, unpacked the picnic basket, and completed the arrangements. Then they discovered they had forgotten the salt. A picnic without salt would be a disaster, they all agreed.

After a lengthy discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home.

Although he was the fastest of the slow moving turtles, the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell. He agreed to go on one condition: that no one would eat until he returned. The family consented and the little turtle left

Three years passed and the little turtle had not returned. Five years... six years... then on the seventh year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer contain his hunger. He announced that he was going to eat and begun to unwrap a sandwich.

At that point the little turtle suddenly popped out from behind a tree shouting, "SEE! I knew you wouldn't wait. Now I am not going to get the salt."

jactitation

1: speaking of yourself in superlatives [syn: boast, boasting, self-praise]
2: (law) a false boast that can harm others; especially a false claim to be married to someone (formerly actionable at law)
3: (pathology) extremely restless tossing and twitching usually by a person with a severe illness [syn: jactation]

[http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=jactitation]

The Juvenile Delinquent Department

You're turning me into a criminal, when all I want to be is a petty thug. - Bart Simpson

-- From "The Simpsons"

The Doormat and the Door Department

"Aggressiveness is not always good, nor is forgiveness. One who is known to be forgiving always suffers and causes his dependents also to suffer. Servants, strangers, and enemies ill-treat him, steal his goods under his very nose, and even try to take his wife away. The evil-minded will never be affected by compassion. Equally bad is indiscriminate anger and the excercise of force. A man of anger and violence will be hated by everyone, and suffer the consequences of his own recklessness. One should show forgiveness or righteous anger as the situation may demand." - Prahlada

-- From The Mahabharata by R K Narayan

Happy Birthday to Mad_Toothbrush, our non-resident blogger :)

by Elton John

Hey you, you’re a child in my head
You haven’t walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you’ll be blessed



I know you’re still just a dream
Your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I’ve ever seen
Anyway you’ll be blessed



And you, you’ll be blessed
You’ll have the best
I promise you that
I’ll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You’ll be blessed



I need you before I’m too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you’re blessed

Lyrics by Bernie Taupin
Music by Elton John

My teacher remarked that he'd lived in Africa for several years, prompting a student to ask, "Dude, do you speak African-American?"

We had copious notes on the conference room board that we wanted to keep, so we highlighted a box and printed in big letters to notify the cleaning crew, "DON'T ERASE THIS." When we came back the next day, there was nothing on the board except a highlighted box saying "DON'T ERASE THIS." Good help is hard to find.

One of the secretaries at our office made a copy of a document and put the original through the shredder. When I questioned this, she explained that the client did not need the document, and the file only needed a copy, so there was no need to keep the original document. She couldn't understand my amusement.

My nephew, a freshman in college, attended a meeting in his dorm in which everyone introduced themselves and shared some personal information to get acquainted. My nephew introduced himself and mentioned that he has two moms. An Induhvidual looked at him and said, in all seriousness, "So… does this mean that one of them is a lesbian?"

The best for last....

A few months back, the people in my office were talking about Mel Gibson's new movie, The Passion of the Christ. One of my coworkers, a young 20 year old secretary, mentioned that she wasn't sure if she was going to go see it because it would be too sad. That's when I jokingly told her that "It's okay; he comes back in the end. I read the Book." At which point she says, "There's a book?"

-- The Dilbert Newsletter

I heard that out of the corner of my eye.

There's more than one way to cut the cheese.

I know these streets like the back of my head.

I don't mean to throw a wrench, I mean a monkey, into the tools.

You heat it until it doubles to about three times its size.

-- The Dilbert Newsletter

The Good Karma-Bad Karma Department

The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds, and words return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy.

-- Florence Scovel Shinn

The Everybody-Hates-me Department

Nothing on earth consumes a man more completely than the passion of resentment.

-- Friedrich Nietzche

The Lonely Hearts Department

When you feel rejected, start accepting yourself, and then go out and accept someone.

-- Sondra Ray

Work Sucks Department

On their death bed, no one ever wishes that they had spent more time working, whatever their work might be.

-- From "Calvin and Hobbes" by Bill Waterson

By Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

by Massive Attack with Sinead O'Connor



Don't be afraid
Open your mouth and say
Say what your soul sings to you
Your mind can never change, Unless you ask it to
Lovingly re-arrange,The thoughts that make you blue
The things that bring you down, only do harm to you
And so make your choice joy, The joy belongs to you
And when you do
You'll find the one you love is you
You'll find you
Love you



Don't be ashamed, no
To open your heart and pray
Say what your soul, sings to you
So no longer pretend, that you can't feel it near
That tickle in your head, that tingle in your ear
Oh ask it anything, becuase it loves you dear
It's your most precious king, if only you can hear
And when you do
You'll find the one you need is you
You'll find you
Love you



-- Written by Sinead O'Connor

(For M.F.)

Posted by Unknown @ 5:50 pm 2 comments

The Hmmmm... Department

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

-- Sacha Guitry

The Bare Necessities Department

They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.

-- Tom Bodett

The Linguistics Department

No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.

-- Sam Rayburn

The Rise of Nations Department

The only alternative to coexistence is codestruction

-- Jawaharlal Nehru, Indian Prime Minister 1947-1964

Blaming your faults on your nature does not change the nature of your faults.

-- Proverb

Show Me the Money Department

A doctor came to me to ask for my autograph and I asked him for his autograph instead. It is only luck we could play soccer. If there was no crowd, we could not earn money from soccer – we needed the crowd; the crowd needed us. We are part of each other.

-- Dutch Footballer Gerrie Muhren

The Writers Block Department

I hate admitting that my enemies have a point.

-- Salman Rushdie

The Walk of Life Department

Life is a complicated dance, more so when you have a partner.

-- A Friend

33 Months
Duration of the longest papal concalve, from 1268 to 1271. The weary residents of Viterbo, Italy, turned against the bickering electors, tore the roof off the building in which they were meeting and cut their food supply to spur them into action. Gregory X soon became Pope.

Which begs the question, why do they need a Pope at all, if they can do without one for almost 3 yrs??


12 Days
Length of the shortest pontificate, Urban VII (1590). Others point to Stephen II (752), who died four days after his election but before his consecration as Pope.

These people take so long to decide, the poor guys probably died from the excitement.


533
Year that Pontiffs began adopting reign names. A man named Mercurius was elected Pope, and since it would have been unseemly for the Vicar of Jesus Christ to bear the name of a pagan god, he chose to be called John II.

Tch tch! What were his parents thinking?


3
Number of times Benedict IX, left became Pope, in 1032,1045 and 1047. He was the nephew of his two immediate predecessors and became notorious for selling the papacy and maneuvering to reclaim it.

An obvious comparison to Indian politicians, especially from the state of Uttar Pradesh.

-- Taken from the TIME issue dated April 11.

Women in Bed?

The Mahabharat is a veritable treasure trove of naughty stories. Take this one...

To further the dynasty of the Kurus, it was decided that the sage Vyasa would impregnate the widowed wives of King Vichitravirya, who dies issueless. So, he needs no persuasion. :D Incidentally, he is also the illegitimate son of Vichitravirya's mother, Sathyavathi, who cooked up this plan to begin with. [Tangled web, I know, the whole epic is insane]

So Vyasa waits in his bedchamber, but he's all dirty, smelly and hairy, having come straight back from his meditations in the forest :) The first woman, Ambika, enters and is so repelled by his appearence that she shuts her eyes. Her child is Dhritrashtra, born blind. The second woman, Ambalika, was so scared that she turned pale. Her son, Pandu, was born pallid and suffered from ill-health.

Vyasa, of course, knew what would happen, as he was a wise sage and everything :), so he tells his mother, Sathyavathi. She is alarmed and persuades Ambalika to have another go at it, and try not to be scared this time. Ambalika agrees, but chickens out and sends her maid in her place! The maid enjoys the hell out of the coupling :D Consequently, her son, Vidura, has qualities that make him the most outstanding man in the whole epic.

So, is this not so subtle commentary on how women should be in bed, enjoying theselves without shame? All this from an epic that's almost two and a half millenia old!

The most important lesson that man can learn from his life is not that there is pain in this world, but that it depends on him to turn it into good account , that it is possible for him to transmute it into joy.

-- Rabindranath Tagore
Sādhanā

I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

-- From "One Last Breath" by Creed

Obscured 

A spring afternoon in Lutyen's Delhi